


Counting stars

by hayleyblue



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, M/M, but still, its just the three of them, not much sexual connection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-01
Updated: 2014-08-25
Packaged: 2018-02-07 01:20:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1879611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hayleyblue/pseuds/hayleyblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles, the popular actor filming his own movie for once, and he want his childhood best friend to come with him. Niall Horan excitedly looking forward the fun, but a little part of him afraid to be with Harry, because of one small thing; he is in love with his friend who became a bit distant in the last two years, Niall don’t know why. What is the reason for Harry’s behavior, and will they end up loving each other or this tour will break off their friendship? There is no one who would know the answer perfectly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Well, it was the first day of the tour, I have already packed all of my things and I was ready to go. To be honest, I panicked a little about what will might happen to us while Harry directing his movie. It was an autobiography about him, so it will contains all of the things he loves and hates, and apparently I don’t want to hear him while he talks about how much he loves me… as a friend. But it will be fun, isn’t it? I don’t have to worry about any thing because we will mainly just traveling around Great-Britain, I don’t know if we go to the United States considering the fact that he spent some time of his life there. Also I don’t even have to pay for any thing.

“Are you ready?” I heard Harry who was already on the big black bus. He stood on the second step as he looked down at me. I was blushing as I watched his green orbs but I answered him like I always did. Like he just a friend of mine.

“Of course, bro. And don’t look at me like a puppy, we have to get going.” I told him with a big smile and he winked at me.

“We only waited for you, you bastard, now get on the bus.” he told me with a happy tone in his voice and I can say he didn’t have to say it twice.

As soon as we took a seat in the most comfortable way, the bus was got off and the only thing I could see is the blurred trees from my window. Harry was next to me, but he was busy with his phone so I thought it will be okay if I just listen to music with my headphones in my ears.

We barely talked while we were on the road, but after an hour he turned to me, eyes full of fondness.

“Niall, you will meet one of my best mates when we stop in his city. I just want you to know that he will come with us while I direct my movie. Or at least, he will spend with us a big amount of time.” he told me excitedly. I knew that boy is just a really good friend to him, but I felt a little bit jealous. I sighed, and then I tried to show him one of my brightest smiles.

“It’s okay, I can’t wait to meet him.” I tried to convince him, but I saw that he didn’t believe it fully.

“We are here.” he said grinning, like he totally forgot about me. I was a little hurt about it, but this tour was all about him. He was my best mate, I had to be good for him he couldn’t see me in a bad mood.

When we stopped, there were a lot of fans. I was a bit nervous because of this but I stayed at the bus so it wasn’t a big problem.

The boy Harry talked about came up on the bus. He’s got red hair and he was the same height as Harry, just not as skinny as him.

“Niall, he is Ed Sheeran. Ed, he is Niall Horan, my bestest mate in the world” he introduced us, and I shook his hand. He smiled at me and I figured about he is really friendly. Or I hoped he was.

“What is the next place we will stop?” asked Ed after he sat down. The bus was looked like, when you stepped up on it, you could see that the seats placed around, next to the walls and in the middle of the bus, it’s got a lot of space to walk. The bus also had other rooms where we could rest and it has a small kitchen. Still, Harry wanted to stop tonight in a hotel, because we will spend some days in London.

It took some time to us to reach London at night. I cheered up when I could see the light of the city. We had been on the road all they and I was afraid that I will get sick which now I could feel. My head hurt, and I felt the dizziness.

“Alright guys, we will go outside, but you should know that you can’t go anywhere without me.” called out Harry’s bodyguard. He wasn’t that tall but the muscles on his arms were visible.

Sure, I felt safer with Paul around us, but the best thing was when Harry hung his arm around my shoulder. I could feel how his chest pressed against my back, and my stomach took a flip. It was very familiar from somewhere but I thought it was because Harry always hugs me.

“This is the hotel.” He whispered in my ear as I shivered. The hotel was really big by the way, and because of the night time, it had a lot of lights from the windows.

We checked in, Harry’s fans followed us all the way to the hotel and I was a bit relieved when the guards stopped to keep them outside of the hotel.

‘I don’t know how you can handle it. There are lots of them.” I told Harry while we used the elevator. Ed was with us, but he stopped to talk with the staff about something. Harry chuckled at my face, because I wore a shocked impression that after this I managed to wipe off of my face. I smiled at him gently as he sighed.

“It’s hard. Sometimes I can’t even handle it, like, I just lock myself in my house for days, but most of the time, I try to be as nice as I can to them because I know they love me and they don’t want to hurt me. Even if they scare me sometimes, when I see the amount of them.” he grinned at me, but I could see in his eyes that he is totally honest with me.

“It’s okay to be scared.” I told him, squeezing his hand. He always has these looks when I do something nice to him, like now. He looked me like I was his world. It’s sad that it was only in my imaginations. Or I think I just imagined it.

We found our hotel rooms. He leaved me alone to give me time to look around my room. I was so shocked. It was big and beautiful. Also, the fridge was full so I had nothing to complain about. The bedroom was the best. It’s got a king sized bed and… a balcony!

After I went to shower, it was after ten o’clock. I wore a Calvin Klein boxer and a white t-shirt with the band name “Kiss” on it. It was one of my favorite, because it was from Harry.

I went out to the balcony, the night outside was more beautiful, because the stars was out and I could definitely count them if I wanted to.

I heard footsteps from the back of my bedroom, then the next thing I saw Harry standing by my side. He was really fast, he scared me a little but I didn’t tell him that of course. He would make fun of me. He stood so close next to me that I could feel my blush on my face.

“I always wanted to ask you something… Why do you like the stars so much?” He asked me on his deep, raspy voice. I was a bit confused even though I could already get used to Harry’s randomness. He always got something that would surprise me.

“You know, when I look up at the stars, I always imagine myself back to the nights in Ireland. We tend to go on trips with my dad and he always told me, that it’s never mind where are we, we always under the same starry sky. It’s sad that he no longer under this one.” I told him with a mournful tone. My dad died two years ago, when we had an accident. While I could manage to live it through, he died.

Harry didn’t say anything, he only came closer to me and his face was full of pain when he hugged me behind my back. We continued to watch the stars in silent, his arms around my hips and I suddenly felt safer then ever before. 


	2. Chapter 2

The next day I woke up just to hear a loud screaming. It wasn’t just one single scream, there were a lot of people outside of the hotel, basically fan girls.

“My god.” mumbled as I walked to the windows. I didn’t mistake it. Harry’s fans were screaming and shouting outside, hoping that Harry would show up for them. I was right after a few moments, as I saw Harry with a weird hat on the top of his head, signing and cheering for his fans. He has a good heart, I could say that.

I got dressed then I made my way down to the hallway as I waited for Harry to come inside. When he saw me, his I lit up. I smiled at him, although my voice was worried.

“How did they found us?” I asked him, talking about his fans. He shrugged.

“They literally know everything, even what colors I like to wear in sock” He joked but I stayed serious.

“They are like the FBI.” I told him as he laughed at me.

“Yeah, I bet they are.” He came up to me and hugged me which was really nice. I loved how he was, and that I could smell his neck easily. He has a bit honey on him and something perfume-kind.

“C’mon, you have to eat something.” He told me as we walked to the dining room of the hotel. The other people of the screw were already there. They helped Harry with his movie.

“How long will we stay here?” I asked him. We made our way to an empty table, and he helped me to sit down.

“I had to do a scene outside with the fans, and in my hotel room I had an interview but that’s all for today I think. We will get to go to Cheshire at noon. So do you want to do something today?” Harry smiled at me with a warm smile. In the next minute, Ed showed up in the room and when he saw us, he directly came up to our table.

“What’s up guys?” He asked with a long yawn.

“We’re talking about what we going to do in the afternoon.” Harry turned to him, and I immediately lost the track as I kept staring at his face and hair. He looked like an angel and I nearly freaked out of this thought.

“We should go swimming. I know a fine place around here.” Ed told us with excitement in his voice. I blushed lightly at the idea of seeing Harry shirtless, then to the one, where he will see me shirtless.

“I don’t know. I’m really insecure of my body.” I said, picking the napkin. We ordered from the Menu and I think it was time for them to bring out our meals.

“Darling, you’re perfect like this. I don’t understand what you are worrying about.” Harry leaned to me, he nearly whispered in my ear, which caused me to blush furiously.

“I’m, erm… thanks.” I groaned, but I couldn’t tear my eyes from his green orbs. He looked such a way at me, like I was the only one he wanted. I’ve always been so confused about these looks. It’s got me so nervous.

“So we will go to the swimming pool, thanks Ed.” Harry grinned at the ginger and the next moment, the staff brought out our meals.

In the afternoon, Harry kept his word, and we headed to the place Ed mentioned. It wasn’t huge but there were a few fans, so they had to sign some pictures and of course,  _boobs._  I was so nervous seeing those young fans, wanting Harry to sign their boobs. It was crazy.

But of course, some time after that, I didn’t really care about that I’m only in my swimming trunk, and I had a great time with Ed’s. They were so funny together so we laughed a lot, and I also joked a lot.

“Hey, Ed, I hope you don’t mind if I steal Niall for a minute. Do you want to swim, yeah?” Harry kept looking at me, and I nodded. He was behind me, sometimes he put his hand on my back and my hip to guide me and it drove me nearly insane. His hands were so warm and so big, it was so frustrating.

In the biggest pool, considering that it was late afternoon, it was nearly empty. We went to the pool.

“It’s so cold.” I told him as I got goose bumps all over my body. He came closer to me, our arms touched. We stood on the last step, the water reached my forearms.

“Are you still cold?” He teased me, his right arms went up my spine, and his fingers were cold and hot at the same time.

“I-I don’t know.” I whispered and his arm rested on my hip. I finally turned to hug him very close as I buried my face in his neck. It felt weird because there were water all around us, but I felt safe.

“So, what do you wanted to talk about?” I glimpsed at him when I already started to feel my blush on my face. Harry smiled at me, his dimples shown.

“I just wanted to spend some time with you.” He said honestly.

“Oh. But I will be here like, three months, if I’m not mistaken.” I frowned. He has one of his hands on my chin now, gently lifting it up so he could look me in the eyes.

“I know darling, but I just wanted you to know if you want to talk to any thing, I will be here, and-“

“Oh well, here you are!” Ed screamed, as he moved closer. In that moment, I was angry at him, but it didn’t last long. “Paul just told me that we have to head back to our hotel room and bring our things because we have to go until twilight.”

“Shit, man, I was having the time of my life!” Harry joked beside me, his arms disappeared around me. I was a bit disappointed, bit I tried to look like nothing happened. Like he didn’t hold me in his arms in a very special way.

When we got our things in the bus, outside it’s started to rain, and it was like that in the first hours. I sat in the front place of the bus, I listened some music with my earphones in. Ed showed up, his face was ull of excitement.

“Hey, Niall, do you know how to play a guitar?”

“Yeah, I can play a bit.” I answered as I took my earphones out. I stood up, while he went back where he came in, and a second later, he brought two guitars with him. Wow, where the hell he got there?

“Here, I already tuned it. Show me what you have, big boy.” He winked at me. He wore a big smile also, while I started to play one of Harry’s songs. I stunned the first there strings, enjoying the sound of the guitar. It was a nice, but slow song.

“Do you know, I wrote this for Harry?” He asked me when I finished. I stared at him with wide eyes. Ed laughed at my face while he amusedly stunned some accords on his own guitar.

“Yeah, he asked me to write about a loved one, who doesn’t know that Harry loves him or her. I don’t know what who the one he was talked about but I wrote it like it’s about a girl. This is why it’s called Little Things.” Ed explained me as I looked at him shocked.

“Alright, oh my god, you’re a huge talent.” I tried to calm myself down, but it was hard. I didn’t know Ed was that good. “Can you play one of your songs for me, please?” I stared at him pleadingly, and he chuckled a bit, but nodded.

“I’d love to.” He said, and I recognized, he had beautiful blue eyes. It was clearly different from Harry’s but it was somehow relaxing just to look in them. He started to play his songs and all I could do is to listen to his songs, while I felt so relaxed and amazed at the same time.


	3. Chapter 3

 

Days go by with filming Harry’s movie. There were some scenes where Ed and I also got some minutes, like when we went to the lake together, or in Cheshire when Harry visited his mum and we just went out to the big field next to the town. It was calm and I felt a bit nostalgic, especially when it was just me and Harry.

Once we were in the middle of the field, he stood close to me as he asked:

“Don’t you want to run away? You know, only for a couple of days.” I heard the curiosity in his voice. I watched him for a moment before I answered. The woods at the back were dark green, but we only looked at the reddish horizon in front of us.

“Yeah, some times I wish I could be free and be far away from the real life. Those times, when it’s get really hard. But then I remember that we can’t solve those problems and we can’t get any further if we just escape. We can’t run away from things just like that.” I said in a serious tone, and he looked down at me, his green eyes gazing my face.

“You’re right. I just… you know, it’s hard to be someone who is well-known for the whole world. They don’t leave you alone.” He sighed, and I had the urge to caress his face. So I did. Harry melted into my touch as he kept his eyes shut. He was so beautiful.

I wanted to say nice things to him. I wanted to say “I love you”. It was on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud. So we just kept walking and enjoyed the silence that literally hugged us around. It was a peaceful afternoon.

Until I got to the bed on the bus, there was nothing I could worry about. To be honest, I was a bit afraid to go to sleep every night. I had a thing with dreaming. Even though there were a few times when only good things happened in my dreams, I always felt sadness when I remembered them back. I dreamt about Harry a lot. To be honest, it was either my dad or Harry who showed up in my dreams.

My dad died in a car accident near to London, and I was also with him in the car, but later the doctors told me I wasn’t injured a lot. I just hit my head and fainted, and I couldn’t remember more of the accident. But when I slept at nights, I always remembered every detail of the accident. It’s freaked me out at the first couple of times until I used to it. Every night I saw my dad hitting his head in the car window because he didn’t use the seatbelt, and I watched him dying and I just couldn’t do anything because always woke up at this point.

The other kinds of dreams were about Harry. The thing is that these scenes were mainly made by my brain because these scenarios never happened between me and Harry. In these dreams we always kissed, Harry was so gentle with me, and I saw the love in his eyes. It was weird and sad at the same time. We’ve never been in a relationship. And I think we never will either.

Today, I grabbed a cup of water and a half sleeping pill, hoping that I won’t dream anything. I drank it then I went to my bunk which was above Harry’s. He hasn’t showed up yet, but it was only nine o’clock so I thought he was out with Ed. I didn’t mind it. Ed was a great guy any way. I pulled my curtains in and it wasn’t a long time before I finally fell asleep.

The sleeping pill was absolutely useless. I woke up three in the morning with racing heart and sweating. I kicked off the sheets as I sat up. My hand was on my mouth, I was sure I even screamed in my sleep. I had to calm myself down, but the scenarios kept running over and over in my head. It was hard to think about anything else.

“Niall?” I heard my name whispering which caused me jumping a little in my bunk.

“W-who is there?” I asked with shaking voice.

“It’s Harry.” He said worryingly. I felt relief running through my body as I sighed. I made my way out of my bunk so I stood in the passageway. I looked up at Harry, who wore a confused and tired expression.

“What are you doing up at this time?” I asked with curious in my voice. He shrugged then rubbed his face.

“We have been in a bar with Ed. We just got back at the bus like ten minutes ago.” He explained.

“And where is Ed?”

“He knocked out as soon as he reached the bed so he is asleep in his bunk.” He pointed behind me, and I immediately saw the ginger’s head peaking out from his bunk’s curtain.

“Oh, I see.” I sighed again then I glanced back at Harry when he started whispering again.

“I heard you in you bunk. Is everything alright?” He scanned my face with a concerned look. My dream crept back to my mind and I shivered.

“N-no.” I mumbled but I knew he already figured out there was something wrong.

“Come up here.” He said pleasingly and first I was a bit scared just to picturing Harry and me in a very narrow space. But then I nodded slowly then I climbed up to his bunk and I leaned down beside him, making myself comfortable. “What happened?” He asked me. His voice was calm and a bit raspy which caused me goose bumps.

“I just had a nightmare.” I explained softly, my voice was almost silent.

“Oh, darling.” He whispered as he hugged my tightly. My face was buried in his chest and grabbed lightly his white t-shirt. I whimpered a bit and I knew he recognized it, but he didn’t say anything. My eyes watered a bit, but didn’t let myself crying. I didn’t want to look like a fool to Harry. “Just keep breathing, everything will be alright.” There was something different in his voice I just couldn’t explain. Like he totally knew what was going through in me.

I glanced up at him, it was dark but I could see his eyes shining from the unwashed tears. My breath hitched as his lips parted slightly. It was red and I just couldn’t stop looking at them. He moved his arm down to my hip, somewhat holding me closer as he leaned down to me. Suddenly I felt his lips on mine and I froze for a moment before I kissed back. His lips were plump and soft as he moved them on mine. It was pretty familiar for me, but I just couldn’t bring myself to think when his body was around me. I felt hot and I felt my unconditional love for him. It was impossible, how much I wanted him.

We kissed until we were out of air. His look was intense and I thought I saw the love in his eyes but after a moment I was sure he I just imagined it. We didn’t say anything and I soon drifted in sleep in his arms.

The next day, we were on the road. Harry told me that we have to stop in Manchester because they had to me a scene with his real dad who lived there at this moment. Harry was quiet all day, and I just couldn’t forget about the kiss from yesterday. It was hurt a bit, that he wasn’t seem like he wants to talk about it. I thought that it means nothing to him. So I spent my time mostly with Ed, we played on the guitar and a few hours later we arrived to Manchester.

“You’ll be alright, yeah?” Harry came up to us. I stood up a bit nervously, but he apparently needed to go. He hugged me, which surprised me but I melted in his arms. I couldn’t wait to smell his scent. It reminded me of the kiss. I knew that he was nervous that he had to talk with his dad. They didn’t have a perfect relationship, but I hoped, nothing will go wrong between the two.

Then he got off of the bus with Paul and a man with a camera in his hands, and I stood there with Ed behind my back.

Harry was very upset when they came back at nine o’clock at night. He rushed through the bus, trying to find an empty room but I didn’t let him alone.

“Harry, what happened?” I asked him, trying to be serious and gentle at the same time. He huffed as he took a seat on the couch. He crossed his arms with a stubborn expression on his face.

“Just him. He said awful things about me, and… you.” He mumbled still didn’t looking at me.

“What do you mean?” I sat down next to him, his knee touched mine slightly.

“It doesn’t matter. The thing is that he doesn’t want to be in my movie because he thinks it’s stupid and I’m too young to make a film about my life. But when it’s about how I became famous, I think it’s not unnecessary…” He grumbled and I had to listen to him even more to understand every word he just said.

“Oh, Harry, I’m sorry about him. I agree with you, I’ve seen many movies where it was about someone famous and this is the reason they made the movie: because their fans wanted to know about his life before his success. So it’s definitely okay to film your movie.” I’d tried to explain myself while Harry glanced at me. I totally forgot about the kiss and his behavior when he put his right hand on my chin. He looked deep in my eyes, he tried to lean closer to me, but I suddenly flinched back. He wore a disappointed expression and I shook my head.

“Sorry.” I mumbled then I got up and left the room in silent.


	4. Chapter 4

Days passed by in a tensed atmosphere, and I felt awful because of it. I just couldn’t go up to Harry and talk with him, because all I had in my mind is when he tried to kiss me again and I didn’t know why he wanted to do it. I tried to figure it out but all I could think about is that he loved me. It’s stupid, I know. I was so desperate that I saw inexistent stuffs into things.

I finally got up from my bunk and started walking to the living room of the bus. It wasn’t really a living room, we only had a couch and some armchairs in it but it was comfortable and cozy. I stopped when I heard talking through the sliding door. I frowned a bit. I didn’t want to be rude to eavesdrop on their conversation but as I heard more about it, they talked about me.

“…don’t you want to tell him this?” I heard Ed’s voice although it was a bit low.

“No, hell not! He would freak out and he would be angry that…” Harry’s voice was stronger and I could say he was very upset. I had nothing in my mind about what they could talk about.

“That you keep secrets from him? Yeah, man, I would be so freaking annoyed if you would do this to me. But that’s why you should tell either. He deserves to know about it especially that you kept it in secret for two years now.” Ed upbraided Harry, and I started to afraid that I listened to much. My heart literally raced in my chest.

“Who knows about except me?” I heard Ed talking again.

“It’s just you and his mother.” He sighed as I totally freaked out.  _What the actual hell is going on?_  - I asked myself in total disbelief. I decided to leave my current place but I didn’t have anywhere to go because the bus was still moving under us as we headed back to London.

My mind was full of meaningless thoughts and I just kept thinking what they talked about. What was the thing Harry needs to tell me anyway? It was full of mess.  _I_  was a full of mess. I panicked a bit until I calmed down somewhat only to listening to music on my iPod. Ed’s album was really useful. He gave me his new album and I literally couldn’t live without it in the last two days.

I checked the time. It was six p.m. and we still had an hour until reaching London. It was so boring, just me and my thoughts. But after we were there, Harry told us that we will get the chance to spend one or two nights in a hotel. It was a relief for me, because to be honest, the bus’s shower and the toilet were awful.

Paul guided us to the hotel, but I kept walking at the back of the group while Harry was the first. I didn’t want to talk with him right now. I knew I was just being stupid but the conversation I eavesdropped on was really weird.

When I reached the hotel’s door, I saw Harry standing in front of the reception desk and it’s looked like he was literally arguing with the staff.

“What do you mean there aren’t enough rooms?” He asked nervously as he threw his arms up in the air. I walked closer just to catch up the conversation.

“I’m sorry, Sir, but we already have a lot of guests which means we had to give some free rooms out for other people. But you still have your reservation you only have to sleep with somebody else in the same room.” The staff explained a little nervous, and Harry sighed. I already knew that his anger will fly away soon. He wasn’t the person who started fights.

“Alright, which room is the one I have to share?” He asked. I stepped next to him and massaged his back just to make sure he is good. He glanced at me, relief in his eyes. I gave him a little smile, before he talked with the staff.

We made our way up to the mentioned hotel room.

“So can you explain, what was the exact problem about sharing your hotel room?” I look at Harry confused. He scratched at the back of his neck as we walked in the corridor. He had his suitcase in his left hand.

“The thing is that because of the mentioned complication  _you_  had to sleep in the same room as me.” He mumbled. I stared at him worryingly.

“But it’s… not like we have never slept in the same room, so…” I tried to see it clear. Harry opened the hotel room, than he let me in first. The next thing I saw is exactly explained why he was so nervous.

“Yeah, I didn’t mention that it only has one bed.” Harry said in a weird tone, and I nodded.

“It will be okay.” I answered calmly.

“I know.” He smiled at me with a warm smile, but it didn’t convince me, to be honest. “I will have a shower then I’ll be right back.”

While he was in the shower I called up my mum. We didn’t talk a lot lately so it was time to make it. She was all cheerful and happy to hear my voice which was made my heart melt. It was good to hear from her, also. We were on the tour a month now and I haven’t seen her in a while. We talked about Greg and her a bit because I just wanted to make sure they were all fine. Of course, mum was worried about me far away from her but I was a big guy now so there was nothing to worry about. But deep down in my heart I knew she was upset because she was afraid that she would lost his son after her wife. I just simply didn’t think about it although it was quite hard to do.

About twenty minutes later I dropped the line with a happy smile on my face. Harry chosen this time to step out from the shower, only with a towel wrapped around his waist. I blushed slightly at the sight as I watched his belly hair running down below the towel. It was quite a nice view. I growled quietly and got up from the king sized bed to get myself ready for showering.

I carried my stuffs to the bathroom and I nearly shocked when I saw Harry dropping his towel on the ground, and I faced with his back. He had a tanned body, and… a nice ass, to be honest. I swallowed hard and turned to the bathroom but I just couldn’t get the picture out of my head while I showered. I really needed to release myself; I only had to be quiet. I knew if Harry would hear me moaning in the shower he would exactly know what I am wanking on. But I couldn’t resist, seeing him was like drowning in hell.

After I got ready to bed I walked out of the bathroom. Harry was already on the bed, at the right side. I had a lot of place remained so it wasn’t like when we were in the bus bunk. I was a bit relieved when I saw that Harry has a t-shirt on him.

“Good night, Ni.” He murmured in the silence when I was already under the sheet. I felt his body warm thought it.

“Good night Harry. Sleep well.” I said quietly then suddenly, I felt his hand squeezing mine. His hand was dry and warm. Then he locked our fingers and I heard my heart beating harder than normal. My face heated up but we didn’t talk after that and I slowly drifted in sleep.

I woke up from a usual nightmare to a hard shaking on my shoulders. My eyes snapped open and I saw a pair of green eyes looking at me worryingly.

“What happened?” I whispered with a shaking voice. He finished the shaking and I realized he was exactly the top of me. Our skins touched, and his eyes told me more than anything.

“I was just scared.” He said with a muffled voice and the look in his eyes changed something else.

“Harry.” I said in lusted tone which surprised me. My hand went up to his waist and I shivered as I touched the soft skin under his t-shirt. He glanced at me and I just couldn’t resist put my other hand to the back of his head just to kiss him. He leaned down with lust in his eyes. Our lips connected and I moved my hip forward just to earn more friction. My body shook at the feeling as I wrapped my arm tightly around his waist. He whimpered while his hand buried in my hair. His tongue licked my bottom lip, and I couldn’t stop moving my hips I felt his hard-on in his boxer rubbing to my hipbone. It was drove me insane. I moaned his name when his free hand grabbed my waist. He breathed to my mouth as I wrapped my tights around his waist. I just wanted to feel him everywhere.

I opened my eyes just to see his face frowning at the pressure.

“Niall.” He groaned when I started kissing along his jaw. “I missed you so much, baby.” He whispered in my ear and I really didn’t wanted to stop, but his words were confusing.

“Wha-what do you mean?” I asked slowly, still trying to catch my breath. His eyes snapped open with fear in those green orbs. I already regretted asking back. I was such a fool! We just started to making out and I just ruined the whole situation although this was what I’ve been dreaming about.

He moved away from me and I already felt his body warm disappearing from mine. He buried his face in his hands and kept talking to himself.

“No, I can’t believe I did it… I shouldn’t do this I’m such a dickhead.” He grumbled to his hands while I kept watching him, I didn’t even understand what happened to him.

“Harry, please… can you please look at me?” I touched his right arm, and he immediately got up from the bed. I didn’t know why he looked like he just want to run away from me.

“No, I can’t tell you, I’m not allowed to and I… It’s so fucking hard, I’m sorry.” He almost started to cry, I heard it in his voice.

I didn’t know what I am doing at that moment; I just got up from the bed and stepped in front of him.

“It’s enough. I hate that you keep runaway from me, that you keep secrets from me. I don’t understand this whole thing between us, and you can’t help figuring it out either. What happened, Harry?  _I deserve to know_!” I said in a serious tone, pointing my finger at his chest. He wore a confused and tired expression still trying to find an escape. “Remember, what I told you. No more escaping!” I almost stated to shout but I just couldn’t do this with Harry no matter how angry was I.

He sighed heavily, still gazing the floor instead of me.

“Alright. I have to show you something, get dressed.” He said in a monotone tone and this was the time I started to fear. I knew it was something important.

When we were both dressed up, Harry called a taxi for us, so when we went down to the hall the taxi was already there waiting for us. I tensed up as we got in the car while Harry mumbled something to the taxi driver. I suggested it was about where we will go.

I sat in silent as we were on the road, and deep down I knew there will be something shocking when we will arrive.


	5. Chapter 5

Harry paid for the taxi when we reached to place. It was dark and scary, mainly because it was around four in the morning and because we were out from London so there weren’t any houses.

“Where are we going?” I asked when Harry started to walk. He had his black coat on him which made him look like Sherlock Holmes from the back. I speeded up to reach him, walking really close to him at the edge of the road.

“The place I want to show you.”

“But it’s… really dark, I don’t think I will be able to see anything else there than darkness.” I rambled but I knew this is what I wanted. I wanted to know the secret.

“I’m sure you will recognize the place.” He mumbled very quietly and my breath hitched because of the space.

He remained silent and my chest was full of fear. In a normal situation, I would feel safe with Harry but he already started to scare me in the past days. I was a bit shocked when I saw the sun slowly rising at the edge of the horizon but at least it calmed me a bit. I started to see things. Next to the road there were posts which were because it was a motorway. My breath hitched as I stopped but now it wasn’t because I was tired. It was because I recognized the place.

“No.” I whimpered in pain, as I slapped my hand to my mouth. I saw the little cross to far away from the road. “No, no, no.” I mumbled with blurry eyes. I just couldn’t tear my eyes from the cross. “Why?” I asked quietly at first then I shouted at Harry. “Why?! Why did you take me here?”

He was silent and his face didn’t show me any thing but pain.

“You had to know, that this is the place, where…” He started to speak but I already interrupted him.

“I know where we are. This is where my dad died! You really took me where we suffered car accident, Harry?! How could you do this? I thought you really want to end those secrets and tell me the truth. Not just causing me more pain.” I kept shouting at him as I let all my anger and nerve out of myself. It was insane.  _He_ was insane.

“Please, let me explain it.” He said with a calm voice. I couldn’t believe he remained this calm while I was so angry at him. I kept exhale and inhale but I couldn’t look at him or the little cross that reminded me of dad. I knew my mother wanted to make a short wood cross here, just to respect him while we made a real grave at the Irish cemetery.

“I’m listening.” I said in a main tone but I didn’t look at him.

“I know you only remember the things from the accident that happened here. But… this is also the place, where I lost you.” He told me and I snapped my head into his direction.

“What?” I felt my eyes watering up again as I kept trying to understand his words.

“The doctors told you that you were alright, yeah? Nobody told you about the injury you got after you hit your head in the car accident, am I right?” His eyes scanned my face and I slowly started to shake my head in full of disbelief.

“Wh-what are you talking about?” My voice trembled while I stared in his green eyes that were full of pain, and… love.

“You had amnesia, Niall, and you still have.” He said and I saw how much he suffered now. I shook my head more forcefully.

“No. You’re not right. I remember everything!” I stated with shaking hands. He moaned quietly, I saw tears forming in his eyes. He stepped closer to me and he put his hand on my arms.

“I know that you have nightmares. Tell me what you dreaming about!” He whispered and I felt a tear streaming down my face. It was totally unbelievable, but still… it kept making sense.

“I dream about the accident… and you spending time with me.”

“Do you have dreams about us kissing or anything?” He tried again while he looked at me so desperately like it was the most important thing in his life to figure out what I dreamed about.

“Yeah.” I said only in whisper.

“Those are real memories, Ni.” He told me gently, brushing a tear away with his thumb.

“So, this means that…

“That I was a relationship with you before the accident was happened. I told you that I love you before you went to a trip with you dad. We were together just about a month before you had the accident.” He said honestly and it was still hard to believe.

“Then why am I not remembering that time?” I asked with raspy voice because of the crying. His hands rested on my shoulder then he moved his right hand under my chin and I had to look in his eyes.

“It’s because of some kind of amnesia. You got it either from the hitting on your head or the trauma you got.” He explained softly. “I love you a lot, darling.” He whispered with shaking voice. “I truly missed you a lot.”

He leaned forward while I shut my eyes, just to feel all my feeling pouring all over my body. His lips were soft at mine, it was a kiss with full of love and care. He caressed my face with his thumb and I sighed at the familiar feeling.

“I love you. I always loved you.” I told him gently cupping his wrist.

“So you really believe me?” He looked at me hoping and a bit astonished.

“Yes. I would believe you no matter what.” I stated with a weak smile. He linked our fingers, calling back the taxi. I looked down at the cross with a sad expression before we left the place. We went back to the hotel and I fell asleep on my lover’s arms.

At the next morning I was tired but we stayed together in our hotel room, just lying in the bed as he gently caressed my arm while I lay on his chest. I smelled his scent gladly recognizing the honey on him.

“I’m sorry that I had to drag you there yesterday.” He mumbled. I really liked his morning voice which was a bit raspy and deeper than the average.

“I’m glad that you finally told me this after two years.” I said a bit reproachfully but he just chuckled.

“It was really hard to be next to you while I missed you so much. It was like a torture.” He said honestly and I heard his chest buzzing under my head.

“It was the same as me. I knew how was it like to kiss you and touch you like you are mine then I woke up and felt awful because I thought it was just my mind playing stupid gamed with me.” I explained. I kept picking on the sheets that wrapped around Harry’s waist. It was a relief to touch him freely.

“I know. We both know, but it was worst for you. You lost much more while I only lost the love of my life.” He whispered with a dismal voice but I got up from his chest to finally see his face. I kissed down his chin then slowly reached his pink lips that already parted for me. I was so in love with him.

“I’ll be always there for you.” I promised with a little peck on his lips and he smiled at me while his green eyes sparkled up with joy.

“So I am, don’t forget it, darling.” He told me still smiling. I loved how he called me his darling. It was sweet. I kissed him the last time before I got up from the bed. He still had a work to do and we had to finish that movie as soon as we can because all I wanted is to spend as much as time as I could now, that I know he were always loved me.

THE END


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